Zartan's back. He's a goddamned Machine he is. You know the story:
Koei makes horrible historical-simulation game, Jaded Journalist
writes long-winded rambling article about it. Good times had by
all.
By: Zartan
01/13/03
Monkey Donkey takes us on a drunken, rambling, descent into the
hell that is Video Game Yaoi Slash Comic Hell. Yeah, this should
be on EA,
but this was originally written for us. TAKE THAT, LAGO!
By: Monkey Donkey; 11/22/02
It's all about the game, and how you play it; All about control,
and if you can take it; It's all about your debt, and if you can
pay it; It's all about pain, and who's gonna make it
By: Tome; 10/26/02
The CAPalert guy takes on the latest scourge to defile The Youth
of America: Those Dirty, Sinful Video Games. At this rate, in about
five years he's going to stumble across Doom... and when that happens...
God have mercy on our souls....
By: Tome The CAPalert Guy
Masturbatory
Links. Go Forth
And Be Excellent
To Each Other.
Classic
Zeroes Material
By: Zartan; circa 02/13/00
INVINCO!
INVINCO!
Catch "Invinco
Fever"
Select
Invinco! Learn the rules and let's go!
Oh
no! Here come the Invincos!
They're
blasting away your bunker!
Yeah!
You got one!
Flying
Saucer Attack!
Show
'em who's BOSS!
Oh
no! They GOT you!
It's
"Game Over" for you.
Now, let's take it
to our totally radical Game Master Pros...
Wow! Totally awesome! When I said last issue that nothing,
but nothing, could drag me away from my Super Earth Invasion, I
had no idea what Sega would pull out of their magical sleeves! Invinco
takes the Space Invaders engine and turns it right on its ear!
I don't think we'll ever see a more innovative (and graphically awesome
-- drool) use of the "alien attack" theme ever! Five
stars!
Bah. This game's all right, I guess. This doesn't take much
skill. Gimma a game that could match my fucking amazing skillz.
Ha. You can't. Because I'm so fucking skilled. You wanna know what takes
skill? Shooting a barrel right out your ass, now that's skill.
Sure, I guess this game's suitable for kiddies, old ladies, and that hearts
and flowers "alternate lifestyle" crowd, but I finished this
shooter in five minutes. Now get me another beer. Skilled.
This game so quickly places down the passage of progression
and the diversion. Watch all the colors. I have never seen a better game
in my short life. What Sega will do more ahead? Invinco on the world of
the game. It is just so great. Be safe to buy all the Sega puts towards
outside. Digales envoy limitless of the zeroes he. Now it feeds me please.
(Thanks to Ed's Discount Translations and Family Restaurant once again
for helping out with the Doggy)
Faburusu!
"What the hell? Hasn't this game been Emu DX'd yet?
That's it. Just don't come back unless you've got something with more
than 16 colors onscreen, okay?"
