Subtlty? Why Bother?

Classic Zeroes Material
By: Zartan; circa 1/3/99

Redundancy Theatre Presents: Violence Fight! In Color!
I'll tell you what -- until I finally got off my ass, decided to believe the hype, and downloaded the late lamented Raine, I didn't think that anyone remembered this game. In fact, with my memory the way it is, I was pretty sure at one point that I had made it up. What I did remember was pretty sketchy: my best friend and I being unleashed on the mall every weekend, back when we were about eleven or twelve years old, and immediately making a mad dash for Tilt to play Violence Fight. I even remember my best friend saying at one point: "My favorite game is Violence Fight." The name just had that ring to it. You know how kids are; they want everything over the top and make mine with extra violence, please. The thing of it was, I don't remember Violence Fight being all that special. I remembered some fat guy, and standing on a pipe, and some weird things being said between matches, but that's about it.
Well, thank goodness I didn't make this memory up out of whole cloth. I'd be really worried.

Let's look at the story behind Violence Fight. Yeah, no wonder I thought I'd made it up, this shit is weird. "In the early part of 1950's in the USA, a game called 'Violence Fight' was in vogue among Mafia, reckless drivers and general businessmen." And here I thought all people did in the 1950's was write beat poetry, build A-bombs and smoke pipes. But no, the seedy underbelly of the USA was alive with activity, as Mafioso, general businessmen (ask them and they'll tell you it's the same thing, really), and last but not least, reckless drivers were hep to the scene that was Violence Fight. And to think people accuse reckless drivers of having no imagination.

So now we know that mobsters and reckless drivers like Violence Fight. It's a good start, but what about other sorts of criminals? What sort of illegal full-contact mayhem punches their Hawaiian, if you know what I mean? I hung around a high-school parking lot after classes had let out and got a lot of funny looks from the campus cops, so I decided to go elsewhere to find criminals -- the latest round of "Menudo" auditions, where the most hard-bitten and ruthless villains from around the world apply to join the underworld's elite.

	Name:Estoban Montoya Occupation: South American terrorist His game: "I like that weird version of Street Fighter II where you can like morph into Sheng Long and jump like five hundred fuckin' feet in the air and Blanka can throw Sonic Booms and Guile's got that fuckin' gun. What's that called? Nitro Edition? Yeah, man, I swear, I played it at this fuckin' grocery store once. And when I brought a friend back to see it, they'd replaced it with 1942. Fuckin' A." His drink: Dewar's
	Name: Bret Criswell Occupation: Telephone psychic His game: "Sir, I need a valid credit card number before we can go on." (Interviewer points out that cornering someone in a Brazilian laundromat at three in the morning and asking them about their favorite violent video game is not actually billable.) "Right. Well then, I'd have to go with the awesome War Gods, the 3-D fighting extravaganza from Williams. Where are you going?" His sunglasses: What we have here is a failure to communicate
	Name: Monkey Donkey Occupation: Kidnapper, vandal His game: "Yie Ar Kung Fu. That game's fucking great. It's got this hot little chick in pink and she throws swastikas, cross my fucking heart and hope to die. Hilarious. And then you fight this really fat guy and this fucker named 'Tonfa'. And everyone goes 'hoo, hoo'. It's old skool and you miserable little runts wouldn't last five seconds." His liver: More swollen by the day
	Name: "Ralph" Occupation: Idaho slasher His game: "Final Fight. I like the whole idea behind that game. You kill hundreds of goofy-looking people, all of whom apparently got their clothes at Stryper's garage sale, in the name of fighting crime. Somehow this makes it all worthwhile." His ride: Yeah, the British can make sports cars, tell me another one
	Name: Clay Whitehead, aka "ThA h0T tAc0" Occupation: Overprivileged suburban kid / "pimp" / hax0r His game: "Daikatana." (Interviewer points out that this game has not actually been released.) "No way, man, I've got it. It 0wnz. It's like negative three-hunnerd-n-eighty day warez. Click on my banners and I'll tell you where to get it." His jaw: Kinda fucked up, isn't it?

And here are the fighters you can pick from -- and in my eyes, they're all "No. 1 Quarrelers", each and every one. Each fighter is guaranteed by Taito to be 100% historically accurate and ready for at least five to six years of underground, no-rules pit fighting. Fighters not guaranteed against alcoholism, brain damage, mob rub-outs, hit-and-run accidents, or office jobs.

When your mom and dad name you "Bat Blue", you're headed for the arena. Either that or a service station job. "Did you see that boy's technique?" "Yes, and its sharpness!" Chalk us up another unlikable protagonist... His "Star Dust Punch" is just a regular punch with a bit of blue light around it, and I've never, ever been able to do the "Rolling Kick". Wait a minute... randomly triggered, vague special attacks? Strip Fighter II again? Noooooooo...

I don't know if this guy is supposed to be a Jamaican or an American Indian or some sort of weird hybrid or what. I mean, he sure looks black to me, but then you've got this weird war paint and the "Fierce Eagle" thing. And if Violence Fight takes place in the early fifties, just when was the guy in Marines? When he was twelve? I really shouldn't let this get to me.

Are you like me? Are you sad because professional wrestling was revoked? Well, here's the guy to blame. Send him your hate mail. Man, I just love the fat guys in fighting games. Say it with me: "Slow but powerful"... that's a myth, actually. In college I knew this big fat ex-football player and when he was drunk and angry he was faster than lightning. Quite scary, actually, although it was a delight to watch him, roaring profanity, chase a suspected communist skate punk up a tree once.

Yeah, all Chinese guys in the fifties dressed like this. They all knew each other and they were all chock full of ancient, accessible wisdom and knew like four thousand different types of deadly martial arts. And they were all native to Miami, Florida, god damn it. God only knows why he was sent to China to learn "Assassination Ken" (does every fighting game have the word "Ken" in it, somewhere?) and then threw his education away in the Violence Fights. His parents must be real proud.

In case you haven't already picked this up, Violence Fight really shines in its use of language. The brilliant author of Violence Fight used many clever tricks to make us believe we were really there, swilling cheap beer and pounding seven colors of shit out of another man for the amusement of a barn full of reckless drivers. Check out these great uses of onomatopoeia and dialect:


DOGOON	GOON	DOGON	BOGOO


"SAMMY YOU!"	"CAMON BOY!"
That must be his manager "Blinks" in the back, there. Anyone's guess what all those papers he's holding are supposed to be; I'm guessing it's the mortgage on Old Widow Shepherd's orphanage. Rumors are circulating amongst the reckless drivers: Bat's using his winnings to get nipple transplants.	I'm so glad I didn't just make this up. And I really like Taito's attention to detail here. Look at the marbled fat on that ham-hock of an elbow. Mmm-mmm. His manager, though, looks like a jolly fellow. His managing technique probably boils down to "here's a bucket of fried chicken, Lick, knock yerself out". That's Mr. Laissez-Faire for you.

Dance like crap, sting like crap

Game:
Developer:
Platform:
Type:
Emulated:
Released:

Violence Fight
Taito
Arcade
Red Asphalt meets Pit Fighter
RAINE (R.I.P.)
I dunno

Graphics:	You know that kid in 8th grade who thought he could really draw?
Sound:	Unemulated, I guess
Gameplay:	Not that great
Beating up beatniks:	Nope, sorry
Overall:	*Play Solitary Fighter: same game but better.*

Sure you will, tubby.