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"Let's Pester the Male Prostitute"
a Zeroes Unlimited Task Force Initiative

Long-time readers of Zeroes Unlimited will undoubtedly also be big fans of "Winston", the computer-lovin', hard-rasslin', Richard Simmons-watchin'. Geocities page-makin' male prostitute we've sort of adopted as our own "real life" mascot, to provide a sensitive and creepy counter-point to Monkey Donkey.

Recently, our boy Winston signed his own guestbook, asking readers of his awesome, appealing web page to send him donations, so that he could put up new pictures. Presumably, he meant "pictures of Winston", but here at Zeroes Unlimited, we are nothing if not skull-splittingly literal. This is where you come in.

I personally think that it's a damned shame that Winston, a thirty-nine year old piss-crazy whore, can't afford new pictures for his web page, and you should, too. So send him yours! Any old picture that you find on the Internet will do. According to his introduction, his interests are: "COMPUTERS SOFTWARE & INTERNET, MARKETING /SALES & CATERING, ENTERTAINMENT, MASSAGE & WRESTLING". He helpfully adds that "such activities keep you healthy, live longer". Try to tailor your pictures to suit his frankly bizarre range of tastes. For example, a picture of a beautiful naked woman might not tickle Winston's fancy, but a picture of a chef wrestling a computer? Perfect!

Refer to the image below, and get cracking! Winston is counting on you to keep his website "rich in content"!

Here, Winston smacks his lips in anticipation
of the exciting new cowboy suit of his dreams
that your "donations" will allow him to buy.

I have a feeling that this was prompted by a prank that Zeroes Unlimited's Sergeant-at-Arms, John "Deaney" Saxon, and I have been running over the past few weeks. We've been e-mailing Winston, and actually getting responses -- you should have seen the deluge that came in when he was led to believe that we lived nearby. We suggested that he put up more pictures of himself. He came back saying that "unlike other, professional websites", he didn't have the budget to put up more pictures, but he would if he (Deaney) sent a donation. A few days later, he signs his own guestbook.

In his glaringly yellow online resume: Winston says: "My websites are expandable without major restructuring, rich in content, more informative, appealing to the public than most websites. My websites have many viewers, so have more exposure on mine than on someone else's. Let me host your website!" We couldn't figure it out -- here he was going on and on about his excellent websites and his awe-inspiring powers over the internet, and with the next breath he basically admits that his website is shit and he needs your lunch money to keep it even remotely interesting. What a hero.

He just can't wait to hear from you.

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